i dont know, i have to be happy or sad, but i feel relieved. i mean when i dont have to cry everynight or hurt myself, i feel so much happier. he said that he didnt want to talk about this but he didnt blame me either. you know, we are friends, and as friend i let him forget me. but another side, i stayed. i dont wanna forget everything about us. bestfriend told me this, "u dont need to forget everything that hurt u more, but try to release it. try to face the truth." but i am not doin it well.
yesterday i met him, as a friend. i wanted to make everything clear. no, it wasnt that good, because everytime we meet, i am like falling into pieces. i felt tired. i dont know what to do. but i smiled. i accompanied him bought some stuffs and we chatted like we already forgot everything. like we dont have a bound. i act like we are bestfriends. i was scared to tell him the truth. because it is not what he expect about me.
first, that is verrrrry difficult to let him fall for another girl, but now, eventhough hard, i let him. because we are friends.
first, i was like crying and couldnt handle myself. first i wonder, how he could think about me. is he that mean to let me falling into pieces? but he moved on, then forgot me! wowww! i congratulate him. that fast, dude? okay, i will do the same thing. but when i did, i found jerk. well, it wasnt my turn, then.
but, tears and fake smiles made me through this, and now i am okay. like my fello said, "when u can let jerk go, u are not that far with your true love." and i replied to him, "that is good, because i really want to meet him. i am done with jerks." haha. then he replied this, ":-)"
i am done, R. i really am done with you. go fight for your dreams, i will watch you from here. hope we can meet someday as a strangers.