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Thursday, May 2, 2013

Regret, Universe, and Several Things

I just can't believe that my holy-day is almost over. two weeks is just not enough. i need more. anyway i just want to say, i hate living in regret. the worst part in regret is that you already knew you will got better result when you chose another choice, but you ended up chose the wrong one. Well, they won't call regret a regret for no reason. But in life, i regret some things. The first regret in my life is when i stayed in my elementary school for a year without my cousin. I ended up feeling lonely. I started hating school. I hated to go to school in the morning without my cousin. Yeah, this cousin is like my sister. since we were in the same age and used to be in the same class. And when she moved to another elementary school, i chose to stay. I thought i will be okay because i was old enough to play without her. And then, that worst feeling of regret came. I knew that i could go with her to the new school, but i didn't. When i was teenager (because now i am not feeling like a 17 years old teenager anymore) many regrets came and i just...you know i swallowed them all. I didn't give a damn or anything because i thought i only lived once, don't regret things. Then now i am almost 20 years old and regretting what i have regretted in the pasts. They say: what people regret the most is to something they didn't do. That is quite right. So what i am saying is choose wisely. You might already knew that the choice you choose is wrong but you didn't listen carefully. If i am trying to be honest to myself (it might sounds offensive for some people, i would like to apologize first) i love living here. i love my college life. My college life  don't suck. I am exhausted, but that is worth it. That feels so good to be accepted or feel belong to somewhere. Maybe i don't get the best scores but i live my life fully (since i only live once).
I have been thinking about my future life partner. Questions about when and why and how will i meet him is not answered yet. You can call me lame or whatever but i would like to know a guy that will spend the rest of his life with me. Is he good? Is he smoker? Will he be a good father? Will he cheat on me? Will i bore him? I am not 17 years old anymore. I am not looking for a boyfriend. Because the more i think, the more i worry, the more i can't decide, the more i think Universe is making fun of me. But this morning, when my Dad talked about his job with my Mom, i realized that there are many other things to worry about. Finding job is easy, the hardest part is when you have to get one. So the conclusion is my life partner will find his own way to me. I just....I just need to wait, i guess.


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