It's funny, tho, every time you try hard, you end up fail yourself, make yourself feel worse than you actually are. you always wish to start over, learn something new, doing good, pray harder, but you end up disappoint yourself. you think you don't deserve thing you deserved. it happens, like a lot. it happens every time, actually. it gives you bad feedback about yourself and you cant help it. that's sad. it's like you fail every time you try. the most painful is you tried hard. you gave your best.